Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you…
Monday, July 26th, 2004
dad is gone. i’m working through that emotion while trying not to jump to conclusions else where. keep that in mind and you dont do the same till you’ve read it all.
i feel like i’ve been betrayed by chris and katie. right now i can think of nothing more than holding katie again. she means the world to me. she does not know nor will she understand that she’s the reason i do everything i am able to do. i find my headaches and shaking much more of a problem these days and no doubt it’s nerves but i know what has caused it. i’m sufering from a severly broken heart. i miss my dad. he’s the one i’d goto to talk about all the feelings i feel inside right now. i feel so alone.
i’m so hungry but i cannot eat. i’m so tired but i cannot rest. i’m so lonely but i cannot find love. she wont understand, they dont understand. i will not be able to hold out much longer. i told katie earlier that i need to talk because i found some things that i need answers for. nothing bad. my heart is already as broken as it can get. the rest is just like a kick to the gut while i’m already down.
katie told me she does not understand how i can show her compasion right now with everything i’m going through. i do not really have a reply to that other than i love her with all of my heart and soul. i know that things are so different now because i’ve betrayed those who cared about me. i know that things will never be the same, not only on their end but on mine. i feel like my best friends left me to die on this cliff and i have nothing to do but sit here and call for them back to me. i’m not suicidle by any means but my heart will not be able to take much more of it’s tourture. “i’ve wrapped it in ice and [she] causes it to melt.” i must have closure, good or bad. i would give anything asked of me to hold her in my arms and call her mine but i know that will probobly never happen. she has not given me any hope of that ever happening again. i know that i am jumping to a conclusion that i want, not what the story says. so here i stand, with everything to loose. i look out over everything i’ve been given and everything i have and i will give up anything for what i feel is right. she is right for me.
do i have it in me? can i continue to give them so much when i trust them so little? my love for chris and katie is deeper than any waters i’ve ever swam in. betrayed me, yes they did. forgivable, i think so. forgetable? never. they see it the same way. i will stand here on this cliff for as long as my heart can hold on. my grip is growing weak and my body is growing cold.
i miss my daddy. he was a good man and though he could not tell me what i need to do, he would have made it clear that i’m doing the right thing. i will sit here and wait for as long as they need as long as my heart can hold on.
Saturday, July 24th, 2004
Tell me what I have to do tonight,
‘Cause I’d do anything to make it right.
Let’s be us again.
Sorry for the way I lost my head,
I don’t know why I said the things I said:
Let’s be us again.
Here I stand with everything to lose,
And all I know is, I don’t wanna ever see the end.
Baby, please, I’m reaching out for you,
Won’t you open up your heart an’ let me come back in?
Let’s be us again,
Ooh, us again.
Look at me, I’m way past pride.
Isn’t there some way that we can try,
To be us again.
An’ even if it takes a while,
I’ll wait right here until I see that smile,
That says we’re us again.
Here I stand with everything to lose,
And all I know is, I don’t wanna ever see the end.
Baby, please, I’m reaching out for you,
Won’t you open up your heart an’ let me come back in?
Let’s be us.
Baby, baby, what would I do?
Can’t imagine life without you.
Here I stand with everything to lose,
And all I know is, I don’t wanna ever see the end.
Baby, please, I’m reaching out for you,
Won’t you open up your heart an’ let me come back in?
Oh, here I am, I’m reaching out for you,
So won’t you open up your heart an’ let me come back in?
Let’s be us again.
Oh, let’s be us again.
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
Oh but baby most of all
I miss my friend.
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say
To make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend.
I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
And I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it’ll be alright
I miss my friend.
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say
To make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend.
I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend.
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say
To make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend.
I miss my friend.
I miss my friend.
I miss my friend.
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
It is with great regret that I tell you that my father, Ronnie Lewis Lackey, passed away peacefully, just before 1pm on July 19, 2004 at the Hospice House at Hugley in Burleson.
Ronnie was the first son of Lewis Ray Lackey and Mary Retta Fulbright Lackey. He is survived by wife, Janie Lackey of Irving; daughter Susan Lackey of Bedford; daughter Stephanie Howard of Hurst; son Jeromy Lackey of Irving; grandson Ethan Howard and granddaughter Kaitlyn Howard both of Hurst.
He will be greatly missed but he knew that his family will be taking good care of each other.
The viewing is Wednesday (7-21) night at 7:00p-8:30p at Calvary Funeral Home. 624 E. Second St Irving, TX 972.579.7356.
The funeral will be Thursday (7-22) 10am at First Baptist Church of Irving. 403 S. Main, Irving, TX 972.253.1171.
Internment will be at Oak Grove Cemetery on Irving Blvd. in Irving.
Please pass the word along to all you think will need to know the information.
